Depression is an insidious condition. Sometimes to the outsider it can and I
emphasize can be obvious. But a lot of times it isn't that easy to
see. A lot of the reason for not being
able to pick up on it is that we all have this thing in us called pride that rises
up and says “we got this, we are good”.
It isn't until things start to pile up and we get the sense that we are
drowning and maybe, just maybe we need some help. Also there is a point of no
return, because of a lot of life stresses you just can’t get back no matter how
hard you try. Most of the time eating right, exercising, sleeping well, and in
general keeping the stress at bay one can overcome a minor depression or the
beginnings of one. However, when it goes
too far you cannot get back without help. Trust me, I have tried this before
and failed miserably.
I have struggled with depression before, back when in a two
year period: my father died, seven
different family members and friends died, I lost my job, had my first child,
bought and sold our first house, and then moved out of state. I guess those were too many stresses lined up
together to actually have a chance at making it. I truly believe in the adage “If life gives
you lemons, make lemonade”, but if you find yourself making brewery size
volumes of lemonade, it is time to get some help.
I have known for about almost two years now that I have been
on the brink of depression. With the
loss of my vision in 2011, I lost so much more than just my vision. My ability to drive has been greatly
restricted, what my degree and training are in I won’t be able to return to
(ever), I can’t read “normally”, I can’t sight read music any more, I can’t
ride my bike by myself, and the list goes on.
I had a significant visual loss, but the collateral damage from that loss
is what has amped up the stress in my life.
Most folks get to go about life in their “normal” way and I
have to have multiple contingency plans taking into consideration all kinds of
circumstances that are beyond my control just to get through one day. I have been on a steep learning curve
adapting to low vision and it has just gotten the better of me. I got fatigued
and lost my ability to hang on. I do so
much to stay on top of all my training and rehab, but the mental gymnastics of
it all has finally caught up with me. I
actually was wondering if the fact everything was done that I finally relaxed
and wasn't in “fight/flight” mode any more that now the depression has hit
hard.
I am going back onto anti-depressants, which I know work from
the past and I have to level my pride of “I can do this myself”. What is funny is that I have been able to ask
for help in every other area of my life, but here I have been mentally treading
water for almost two years and have finally gotten to where I either drown or
receive help.
If you have suffered significant loss, keep your eyes open
for the signs of depression. A lot of
the symptoms aren't things we would normally associate with depression. Just because you don’t feel sad all the time
does NOT mean there isn't anything wrong. My biggest symptoms are: wanting to
sleep more and more, irritability, inability to focus and concentrating, not
wanting to do anything besides just the bare minimum (no hobbies), and this
constant feeling like doing life is like walking through quicksand. Also once I get past a certain point it doesn't matter what I do any relief is very momentary and it is obvious that I need
help. Honestly, by just asking for help
and admitting I can’t keep this up has lifted an enormous burden off my
shoulders.
