There have been times in life when I have felt like I have a leg in a bear trap. You are just going along in life minding your own business and then snap, some circumstance arises and you are caught in a trap. The bear trap for me is when life throws anything my way that I do not like and do not care to endure. It is the proverbial “life gives you lemons and you make lemonade” and I have the courage to say “hey, I have enough lemons”, thank you very much! This is what I have learned about the bear trap. If you are patient and you work through life’s hurdles slowly and methodically, the trap will actually spring open or at least give you enough room to escape. However, if you thrash, live in self-pity, rant, rave, and in general fight your circumstances than the trap will tear you up pretty good. There is good news and bad news with this whole deal. The good news is as I have done this multiple times over I have gotten better at using the tools that help me to stay in the moment and not fight. The bad news is sometimes I am just in the mood for a fight and it is a fight I will never win. I always come away emotionally and mentally bruised and beat up and wondering “why do I try to fight my life’s circumstances in which I have no control?” I am getting better, but it is still a learning curve. I guess I don’t fight quite as much as I used to. I just don’t remember how bad it can get until I am thrashing again and wondering why I am not winning and why it hurts so much. Thus the reason for my absence from blogging, I am licking my wounds and embarrassed that yet again I chose to fight rather than pause and wait for the intense grief to pass. I really need to let myself off the hook for being human.
No comments:
Post a Comment