Acceptance, it is a continuum not an end point.

Acceptance is a funny thing.  When you think you have it, it is gone.  Or something comes up and steals it right out from underneath you.  It is a lot like when you are just about recovered from having the wind knocked out of you.  Then you get hit again and you are left gasping for what little air you can pull into your lungs.  This is the continuum of acceptance.  Some days you are closer to “complete” acceptance and other days you are about a threads breadth away from complete despair.  When people talk about having good days and bad days, it has a lot to do with acceptance.  When our acceptance level is high we are at peace with our surroundings, recognize our shortcomings and not resent either. When it is low, we are cranky, hostile and downright unwilling to do or accept anything or anyone. I have been thrust down my acceptance continuum toward despair.  I had my driving test and all was good.  Then I started to notice that yet again my scar in my eye is expanding.  What does that mean you ask?  That means I go through a gradual loss of vision and then in about 6-8 weeks I’ll gain some, not all, of it back. Have you ever seen ribbon used by drill teams? That ribbon in flight is what all my straight lines are doing to me now.  It also means I miss things reading, trip over stuff, step on things, and clear counters, all because my most recently adapted vision is gone, yet again, for another day.  I have gone through this multiple times and quite frankly it is exhausting.  Just when I get used to my environs, I am back to square one in training. Ironically, the other main contributor to ending up in a vat of self-pity is this prideful push to help everyone else not to feel bad about my circumstances. I wish I could just be told straight up what exactly I need to accept, once and for all, and I’d happily and willingly move toward that end. However, when it is a dynamic, constantly changing and morphing circumstance it is like accepting that gelatin will eventually sit motionless. No one knows when or where but when it finally does, something comes along to upset the static state yet again.  I need to get back to accepting, my vision is what it is, regardless of what is going to happen long term.  I need to get back to the “one day at a time” motto and live it vs. fighting all the variables of the future.  I can’t control them anyway.