I think I’d have better luck on Jeopardy than playing the game of LIFE!

I saw the RS the other day and I guess I had forgotten (convenient right?) that I was due for my 3^rd Avastin injection in the normal protocol for my condition.  All the scans and visual observations showed no fluid and no blood vessels.  Good right?  Yes and no, good there is no evidence of activity, bad because I had to have another injection.  I am starting to slide back into the person who doesn’t play well with others.  I feel like I can’t have an opinion. I am motivated by fear, the fear of reoccurrence, the doctor saying not to treat could be detrimental, and the general sense that it’s all going into the crapper tomorrow. I am tired of going to this office and feeling completely and utterly out of control.  Now, I am not talking about going off the deep end (though it is VERY appealing at times). I am talking about having a medical condition that doesn’t consistently behave itself and doesn’t give me any concrete data like, if you do a) then the result is b).  It is more like, let us do a) and the results can be any letter of the alphabet we’ll just have to run with it and hope we can overcorrect if things go the wrong direction.  I hope this makes sense, and if it doesn’t, welcome to my life!   It is such a small population of those of us with POHS that you can’t get any real solid data.  In other words, there are no concrete answers or studies that you can base your decisions on.  You are basically in the dark (figuratively and possibly literally).  I really miss the days where I would go months and sometimes years with no recurrence and when the decision was fairly black and white. You treat, you respond, life goes on until the next bleeder and it was simple, predictable, and easy.  Now I feel like a I have to jump off a cliff every 6-8 weeks and we are all hoping that the parachute opens and if it doesn’t be sure to call down to me “SORRY!”.