Disability and working with a reduced sense can be really unnerving. Some days, I really am good at taking it in stride, asking for help, and pushing through, others not so much. What I have been discovering lately is that fear caused by felling lost all the time is a really big hurdle that is exasperated by my limited sight. I am always questioning, doubting, and downright running from fear. How do you explain to people that don't stand in your shoes what it is really like to be visually disabled? No one, except those who share in your disability, truly can understand your world.
I have found that I hate to go shopping now. It is not because of the act of shopping, but it is for the sheer reason I cannot easily read any of the aisle markers, details on products or even price tags. It is daunting and overwhelming. I am in the constant state of feeling lost because aside from the really big things and familiar surroundings I really can't get a feel for where I am. I get frustrated when I can't "see" in my head where I am. Since my kids are now in a school in a town over I am relearning where shops are in that community. I used to know my way around, but now that I can't see marquees from the street. What used to be familiar is now completely foreign. I am 100% dependent on my GPS to tell me where I am.
How do you explain to any one how you could become lost in your own backyard? I just don't like to venture out these days. I know one day I will have to start facing some of these obstacles, but I feel like I face so many already. Those obstacless will just have to wait for another day.
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