I already hated clothes shopping, but now it is especially loathsome

 Clothes shopping, it brings up a lot of different emotions depending on where you are in life.  I guess really, it depends a lot on your weight and how you are doing with your body image.  However, those factors today are the least of my worries.  First of all if I can find a women’s department in the store, that is success.  Then figuring out which section of the women’s department I need to be in, like not maternity.  My low vision doesn’t allow me to read the signs above the racks; I can’t read the price tag let alone the size unless I hold it up to my face.  So the old days of glancing around and finding quickly what I am looking for are just, bluntly, gone.  I wanted to find some skirts today, because really I haven’t bought more than the denim one I have had since I hit goal weight with Weight Watchers in 2009.  I found a few skirts, but they were like $40.  I was at Target; I’ll spend $40 on a skirt on the Clearance rack at Macy before spending it at Target, just saying.  Anyway, the skirt thing was a complete bust.  I did try on a few dresses and some shorts.  The thing is, when I look in the mirror, first of all I am my worst critic.  Secondly, I am not able to take in the full picture.  Imagine yourself standing in the mirror.  Now remove one whole leg, or half your torso and half your face and determine if this particular piece of clothing is flattering on you.  After removing those particular pieces add the effect of everything looking like a Salvador Dali painting and finding something decent is pretty much up there with making a picture square on the wall.  Picturing this might give you a better idea of why I find this particular task up there with having the ultrasonic cleaning at the dentist they use to remove plaque buildup.  (In case you don’t know I hate it, all of it)  The one really weird thing about clothes shopping is my inability to see feels like I stand out and am very obvious that I have issues.  Add to my already neurotic state the feeling of standing out like a freak and you have the most amazing space to be in.  Luckily, I can’t see anyone staring or making faces and honestly, they are all busy fussing about their own business to really notice anything about me. I have enormous compassion for everyone who deals with any type of disability because it takes courage to push through and do everyday tasks and to just participate in life.  You are my heroes.  Just don’t ask me to go clothes shopping.