I have always been dogged by fear. I have been afraid of things that one doesn’t even need to be afraid of, but that is just how I am wired. Add low vision to the mix and it adds a whole new dimension to life. Lately I have been dealing with an enormous amount of anxiety (which by the way, I recently read actually exacerbates my condition). I have lost a lot of things due to my vision loss, and other things I have to fight very hard to keep. When you combine that to just life changes that have to be managed, it spells insomnia. What I have learned, is that when Fear shows up I have to pull out the Billy club with “Courage” on it and beat it back into its rightful place. Below I have listed some current examples in my life where I have struggled and then turned things around. Note: sometimes it takes a long time of struggling before I get the upper hand.
I sight read to play piano. I can no longer see the music at a distance and when I can get it in focus it is basically a frame at a time. It takes a certain level of grit to push through and make sight reading work again. Thus on this front I have decided to go back to some pieces I know large parts from memory and fill in the stuff I don’t recall as easily. In other words, I will be memorizing the entire piece, because I no longer have the luxury to sight read it.
I love to sew. Sewing straight lines, threading needles, lining up patterns are all work for me now. So one thing I have done with this activity is give up on “perfect” and work toward “functional and minimal errors”. I actually threaded my sewing machine yesterday multiple times and I had an Avastin shot in my good eye just prior to working on this sewing project. I had been told the day before I need “binocular vision” to thread a needle. Ha, I have not been binocular since 1990, and apparently after yesterday I have figured out a way to thread my sewing machine. Adaptation just takes time, and work.
Reading, I love to read. I had lost the ability to hold a book and read traditionally about 18 months ago. Well just recently I had an epiphany, since the last several years they have been suggesting bifocals and then reminding me that they drive those of us with low vision crazy, why not get reading glasses? Those glasses are now on order and should arrive in the next two weeks. I’ll let you know how that goes, it might also help with the sight reading of music, but I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.
There are all these new things going on in my life, like kids starting new schools, a teenager on the cusp of learning to drive, and just “new” circumstances that can present “new” challenges. These can only be challenged by going through the motions and working through it as it evolves. This week I had a kid start a new school and it is their first year of middle school. I have now driven to and from the school during carpool. I have familiarized myself with the school and some of the staff and recently even dealt effectively with an issue that arose. What does that do, well when you go and face your fears and it all works out, peace is on the other side. You feel confident that you can actually “do” this, you feel success and the concerns you had slip away.
No comments:
Post a Comment