Who knew that a white cane could bring such freedom

I have been talking in and around the idea of cane training on various posts.  It is a struggle simply because in our world the white cane is a symbol of total blindness, and total blind I am not.  However, it really is to educate and symbolize to the public that there is a “vision” issue and to be polite about giving this person space.  It may be low vision, it may be no vision.  Just like someone who is hearing impaired will wear hearing aids, the low vision can also use a cane.  

During the evaluation I was asked a bunch of questions all to do with the basic premise “What do you want the cane to do for you?” Which on the outside looks like a fairly easy question right? It isn’t necessarily.  I started to dialog about my issues in dim light, night time, and certain areas of town where I refuse to drive and thus have given up going there.  I talked about how hard it is to be in public and constantly staring at my feet so I don’t trip or trip others.  My world’s focus while walking has been a 2 foot by 2 foot square in and around my feet.

Well after we went through all the questions we went outside to go over some basic “cane” techniques.  The cane allows me to “feel” that 2x2 square near my feet and tell me through “sensing” whether I have a tripping hazard coming up.  And for the first time in almost two years I was able to walk down the street LOOKING up.  I had no idea that I hadn’t been looking up while walking for that long until I was walking with the cane and allowing it to tell me what is at my feet that I realized I haven’t seen the world straight ahead for a long time regardless of the lighting.

I had said something during the evaluation about not being able to go to the downtown area of a local community and thought if I could get myself to a bus stop and then take the bus down there, maybe I could get back to some of the activities and locations I used to visit.  At this time my trainer asked me “what if we could get you to drive down within a few blocks of that area, park somewhere it is safe and where I feel safe to drive myself to and then get me out with the cane to that area of town?”  You have no idea how freeing this experience has been.  I have been shrinking my world out of necessity for the last 2 years and now I am being shown and told that I can indeed gain some ground back. I just have to look at my “vehicle” differently.  My vehicle in certain circumstances may be my feet and the cane.  The greatest thing ever, is that now when I am in public walking and have the cane, people will see it and walk around me instead of me taking on myself ALL the burden of not tripping them. The hardest thing for me in the public has been how people get to whoosh by without a care in the world not realizing what a visually overwhelming world that is for me to live in with limited sight. No longer will I have to walk the speed of a snail and feel all the anxiety and frustration of the fear of tripping myself or others.  The very thing that identifies me as visually disabled is the very thing that is going to gain a lot of my freedoms back.  Freedom cannot be found in hiding, it can only be found in willingness. I have to be willing to “expose” that I am disabled, so that others have a chance to respond appropriately that then allows me the freedom to be me in spite of my disability. The only person who lets my disability become an obstacle is me, so I am going to get out of my own way.