Giving of yourself vs. wallowing in self-pity.

If there is one thing I have learned about the grief cycle is that you never know how you are going to feel at any particular time or day.  You have good days and bad moments.  I have found that when things are really intense and overwhelming, if I can find something to do that is of service to others, I will have a better day overall. I am still in the throes of training and rehabilitation for my vision loss, but I still find ways to serve others.

Yesterday I had my first training with my bioptic.  And considering I have a teen learning to drive I am remembering how exhausting it is to practice driving.  The bioptic is basically a device attached to a pair of prescription glasses that is a telescope.  You can drop your eyes into the telescope for seconds at a time to pull in objects far off in the distance that my sight no longer sees.  It can pull in street signs at intersections some 1-2 blocks off. It can help with seeing bicyclists and other objects in the distance.  It basically provides a little more information sooner than my sight can do, information most everyone can “see”.   After about 25 minutes driving with this device, I was tired and a little nauseous.  The key is I did it and the OT thought it went really well.

Since I was already in town I decided to go and donate blood.  I have wanted to do this forever, actually since my first child was born 15 years ago, because that was when I discovered I am a universal donor.  I am without excuse not to be donating regularly. So after my exhausting driving session, I went to the local blood bank, went through all the hoops to donate, and donated. I even got to hold my unit of blood afterward, and it was cool (actually it was warm, but you get what I am saying).  I am now in the system and soon I’ll be able to sign up to be on the bone marrow and stem cell registries. 

The sheer fact I stepped outside of my “I don’t want to” attitude or my laundry list of excuses for why not “today”, is forward progression.  Forward progression means growth, and growth means I reside a little less in self-pity and grief. The thing with grief is it simply takes time, so I might as well do anything that passes the time and helps others.