When does being proactive become being neurotic?

There is a fine line between being proactive and being neurotic, I am guessing I am a little of both.  I have a retinal condition that there is no cure, it will most likely continue to decline, and there is no real long term prognosis….rather they won’t give me one.  If you read what the CDC says, my condition (POHS) is the leading cause of blindness in ages 20-40.  I guess I should celebrate that I am over 40 and still not completely blind. Yippee!  I am stuck in the place of not wanting to assume the best, but at the same time not assuming the worst.  However, in the middle there are a lot of obstacles that need to be addressed. My current question is whether to start mobility training now or wait until later after more vision loss.

I spoke with an orientation/mobility specialist the other day for about an hour to answer a bunch of my questions.  Mobility training for a person with low vision has the component of learning how to use a white cane.  Yes, the white cane that you see folks who are visually disabled using.  The thing is you don’t have to be “blind” to use a cane and it is not just for the most severe cases of visual disability.  I heard a talk on this training and several members stated how it provides freedom on many fronts.  1) It communicates to the public; it informs them that there is an issue here regardless of how it appears. Most people with a visual disability don’t look like they have any issues.  Their eyes look normal and no one knows there is a problem until you can’t read a sign, forms, or you trip on something that is obvious to everyone else.  2) Those that use the cane don’t have to worry about declining light, they already have a way of “feeling” their way around so it could be a bright sunny day or nighttime, and they are set. 3) Trip hazards can be identified without actually tripping. 4) If your family can’t take you out and guide you, you can still go.   You can see from what I have listed, there are some great reasons to be cane trained. However, there are other obstacles that need to be overcome first.

Remember one of my previous posts about the turtle with its shell ripped off?  Well stick me out in public with a cane, and you might as well have a Las Vegas billboard over my head with flashing lights.  The obstacle is an emotional one.  Am I emotionally ready to embrace this next phase of training? Am I willing to push through the feelings of being exposed and learn something that has the potential of saving my teeth (literally) because I don’t have to trip and fall?  Can I deal with family and friends possible negative reaction to it? The feelings embodied in this are the feelings I have felt through this entire process, the delicate balance of asking for much needed help and wanting to hide.  This whole new existence is just plain hard.  I have been doing better with asking for help when I am out and about.  However, there seems to always be that next step that requires even more exposure and more vulnerability.  I’ll be glad when I get a thicker skin with this stuff.  So the next time you are out and you see a turtle with no shell and a white cane, try to say something nice. I guarantee it will be appreciated.