There is reliance, and then forced reliance.

I think one of my biggest struggles is listening to other dialogue about the importance of asking for help, letting others do things for you, and relying on others.  It is a struggle because these folks get to ‘choose’ their reliance.  Since, my vision tanked I have had to rely on others for pure survival.  It isn’t a choice for me anymore, it is a mandatory.  I think this is why I get so keyed up and frustrated with my circumstances is because I am in a phase of life where there are few choices that aren’t out of pure necessity.  I have to ask for rides at night or I don’t go to an activity.  I have to ask for people to read signs and overheads for me or I completely miss out on what is being taught or conveyed.  I am at a stage where if I don’t ask for help I may get into serious trouble. No longer do I have the luxury of ‘choosing’ to ask for help with anything.  I literally have to ask or stuff will not get done. It is a blessing in that I get to let others help me.  And because there is so much limitation I have no choice to have lots of patience.  So, when there is a talk/teaching on being less “self-sufficient” and more “Christ and other sufficient” I am sorry if I roll my eyes. I know how and when to ask for help, I am just learning how to be o.k. with the “feelings” that go with this action.  It is hard not to feel burdensome.