I have been a believer of Jesus for 20+ years. I have done countless bible/book studies. I do believe that Jesus is at work today just as He was during His brief stint on this earth. I seem to find myself in these studies where there is a similar theme/story given. A person has a hardship and God asks them to give something up or trust Him with some part of their life or leave a circumstance at the foot of the cross. The person sweats it out, suffers for a time and then….wait for it….there is a miraculous healing, the “thing” they had to give up was only for a time (usually short) or some other “happily ever after” scenario. Just once I would like to hear a story about the person who prayed and gave something up to God but that thing/person was still taken away from this life. I am not trying to morose or overly somber I just want to hear my story told once. I prayed faithfully every day for over a year for my father’s cancer to be healed. Then as his health really declined and there appeared to be no relief I prayed “God, if there really is no cure and no improved quality of life, please take my dad home”. And guess what, that was the prayer that was answered; my father went to be with the Lord the very next day. Then this crazy eye disease, I have begged for it to be taken, but it is still here wreaking havoc on my sight. Where is the miracle you ask? Well, the miracle for me is that I wake up every day still believing that God is good and has my back. I trust Him so fully that it is overwhelming. I have faith that He will do great things with my life regardless of my losses and disability. And I see that He is actually using these losses for His glory. My relationship with my God is stronger and more alive than it has ever been because of my circumstances. But these same circumstances seem to really impede my ability to relate to a lot of fellow church goers because my story is messy and can’t be tied up with the pretty bow of “happily ever after”. They can’t accept or even fathom a sacrifice that is placed on the altar which actually sits there for a life time or is taken up to heaven. Here I am growing closer to God yet more alienated from those who have never experienced significant loss. I have had the privilege to stand with those whose child or parent died, marriage crumbled, health declined, or is disabled. Honestly, I glean more hope, inspiration, and wisdom from my fellow travelers than from a book/bible study that keeps it neat and simple. I have learned that life is anything but neat and simple and it takes courage to reflect God’s love in the midst of the suffocating sorrow, excruciating pain, or harrowing loss. I guess I know what my purpose is now, to communicate and share what it is like to have a life like mine and how to know that God is in the midst of it all. I need to share my story so no one else feels like I do when a fairy tale is shared: alone, left out, and unnoticed. It is not a fun place to be, even when I feel God nearby.
I struggle with this. I'm a fellow pohs'er (from FB) and Christian. I try not to dwell on the bows and ribbons of Faith and stories. I don't really understand them and they tend to dissolussion me more than encourage me. However, I am fairly certain it is a personality flaw of mine.
ReplyDeleteI focus on Jesus' faith. Knowing he was going to that hideous death . But doing it anyway and still loving and forgiving his persecutors. How epic! To me that is what it is all about, that love and forgiveness.
Sorry for the ridiculously long post. Just something that weighs on my mind a lot.
That is what this is here for, a place where people can come be encouraged and know that they are NOT alone in this journey. I felt compelled to start sharing my story because I encourage others and then comments like yours encourages me in the same way! Thanks.
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